艾琳和签名的同学们，
我们是在海外生活的第一代移民，二十年前从中国来这里留学。这两天看到你们给我们的公开信（见附1），想对你们发起的真诚、友善和平等的沟通叫一声好。谢谢你们！很高兴看到你们的思考和意见。我们养育孩子，不是为了把孩子塑造成和自己一模一样的人。独立思考、真诚表达、乐于沟通，在一次次的交流和争执中，一起携手看到更广阔的世界—-作为你们的上一代人，没有什么比这更让我们欣慰的事了。
当你们反抗歧视、反抗暴力的时候，我们和你们站在一起。歧视、偏见和暴力执法，并不是美国独有的现象。我们来到美国之前，就遭遇过很多公开和默认的歧视——城里人歧视乡下人，大城市的人歧视小城市的人，本地人歧视外地人，南方人歧视北方人（反之亦然），男人歧视女人（反之亦然），年轻人歧视老年人（反之亦然）……很多歧视是如此常见，如此理直气壮，以至有的人会有一种错觉，以为歧视不过是弱势群体为自己的弱势寻找的借口。可是我们跟你们一样，不认为人应该由他们的出身、肤色、口音、和社会地位被分为三六九等。虽然现实并不让人满意，但正是人们为公正公平所做的努力，推动着人类社会不断进步。
当你们寻求沟通和理解的时候，我们和你们站在一起。养育孩子不是放贷，我们不会因为支付了孩子的学费就认为孩子欠了我们一笔债；相反，如果孩子愿意跟我们沟通，帮助我们成长，我们就觉得是一种巨大的“投资回报”。孔子说子女对父母最大的孝是“事之以礼”，动辄摆出债主的面孔叫子女“下跪反思（见附2）”，这绝不是真正的“礼”。也许的确有一些父母愿意展现自己对于子女的主权，居高临下，认为自己是过来人，而没有真正思考两代人到底应该怎么相处。可是我们愿意跟你们站在一起。在你们蹒跚学步的时候，我们会有意识地蹲下身来，平视你们的双眼来讲道理或立规矩；现在你们一天天长高，希望我们依旧平视彼此。这个世界本就是在多代人相互启发甚至冲突中前进，前浪从来不会被后浪拍死在沙滩上，而是和后浪一起又回归大海。
当你们追求进步、渴望成长时，我们和你们站在一起。必须承认，因为出生在不同年代、从小生活在不同国家，我们和你们之间一定会有认知的不同、观点的差异，但希望你们不要因此就放弃与我们沟通的努力。我们在向你们传授传统中国文化以帮你们连接与生俱来的文化之根的同时，也惊喜于你们所带给我们的流行元素和你们融合中西文化的能力，这也常常让我们反思。观点的正确和错误，并不是由争论中的任何一方说了算，但真相总是越辩越明的。在历史的长河中，我们和你们一样都是摸着石头过河的孩子。
但是，亲爱的朋友们，我们必须指出，肤色和种族不是判断一个人是否追求善良、公平和正义的标准。追求正义的手段和追求正义的目标一样重要。即使以追求正义作为盾牌，烧杀抢掠依旧不是正义的手段。真正的正义是冷静地寻求真相，根据事实、通过思考形成独立、理智的判断，并且随时保持警惕，不要被任何人或群体裹挟着前进。
亲爱的朋友们，在长大的过程中也许你们曾被别人有意无意地贴上的各种标签，并感到困扰，那么，也请不要轻易地给任何人贴标签，包括你们的父母；因为贴标签本身就是迈向歧视和偏见的第一步，而这，正是你们最不想看到的。在尊重生命的同时也要尊重个性。在自我表达的同时，别忘了聆听，别忘了每个人都有保持沉默的权利。发声，或者沉默，是每个人自己的选择。
每个人都是独立的个体，有着独一无二的经历和个性；同样，每个国家和民族，也有着不同的历史和背景，形成了各自的文化和习俗。这些差异使这个世界精彩，也使这个世界复杂。我们的父辈曾亲历过一个特殊的时期，见证个体是如何在政治的洪流中失去自主、失去理智、失去良知。也许，当你们更多地了解中国漫长的历史，就会更理解海外华人在看似“冷漠”、“胆怯”的表象之下，对于“表态”、“站队”有着多么复杂和微妙的思考。每一个民族表面的行为背后都有上千年的历史渊源，非几句话、几篇文章、几部电影可以概括，无论对美国黑人，还是美国亚裔，我们都需要抱着尊重理解的心态，继续学习和思考。
“人皆生而平等”。即使现在还不是，也可能不会很快成为现实，可仍是我们应该铭记在心的理想和时时努力实践的行为，是让世界变得更美好的原动力。如果一定要站在某一边，我们希望和你们一起，站在尊重生命与个性，追求善良和公义的这一边；而不是和任何一个种族或群体绑在一起。
亲爱的朋友们，这个国家属于你们，而你们不需要属于黑白左右。
你们的大朋友们
Dear Eileen et al.,
We are a group of first-generation immigrants to the U.S. who arrived two decades ago for graduate studies. We read your letter to the Chinese American community and applaud your efforts to initiate a sincere, affectionate, and equitable conversation on an important topic. It is a great pleasure to see you make suggestions to us. As parents, we are passionate about raising children who will be their own generation, not clones of ourselves. We cherish this opportunity to stand by you and have an open conversation about this world, complicated yet beautiful, tumultuous at the moment but still promising.
We stand with you to defy discrimination and violence. Discrimination, prejudice, and violent law enforcement are not unique to the United States. Before we came to the United States, we witnessed and experienced explicit and implicit discrimination: urban dwellers against rural folks, people from big cities against those from small towns; local residents against newcomers; southerners against northerners and vice versa; men against women and vice versa; as well as youngsters against the elderly and vice versa. Discrimination is common and the perpetrators believe it to be justified. Sometimes discrimination is even perceived as excuses for underprivileged people to gain social benefits. Same as you, we stand firmly against discrimination on any basis, as to upbringing, skin color, accent, or socio-economic status. Recognizably, the reality is far from ideal, but we fight tirelessly for fairness and justice, and to confer the benefit to humankind.
We stand with you when you seek dialogues and understanding of the world. Raising a child is not running a business. Our children don’t owe us a debt just because we pay for their education or other expenses. Rather, we take it as a huge “return on investment” when we grow together with our children through healthy dialogues. Confucius said that: A child’s greatest filial piety to their parents is “to serve according to propriety”. Blatantly ordering kids “to kneel down and reflect (quoted from another letter to you)” is definitely not “propriety”. Some Asian parents may exert too much control over their children, sometimes unconsciously, counting on their worldly experiences without reflecting on how the two generations could get along. When you were toddlers, we knelt down to talk to you, seeing eye to eye. Now that you grow up and are taller than us, we still seek to look you in the eyes and engage. The world we live in is complicated. It has evolved and advanced amid inspirations and conflicts some of which last through multiple generations, and it will continue to do so. The front waves have never been suppressed to die on the beach by the newly surged waves, but together we flow back to the ocean.
We stand with you when you pursue social equity and justice. We recognize that there are different perspectives and viewpoints between us because we grew up outside the U.S., and because we belong to different generations. However, we want you to know that we hear you. As much as we hope to share our understanding and experience of oriental culture and history with you, we are open to learn and understand different perspectives and values from you. While introducing to you the traditional Chinese culture to help you find your cultural heritage, we are equally amazed by the pop culture you bring us and your ability to integrate Chinese and Western cultures. We often reflect on what we learn from you. Truth is determined by neither side of an argument, and truth often reveals itself without our intervention. In the long river of human history, we are all children tapping in the dark every now and then.
However, dear friends, we want to take this opportunity to share our perspectives on justice. We believe the pursuit of kindness, equity, and justice should never be judged based on skin color or race. The journey to pursue justice is as important as the goal itself. Justice is no excuse for looting or violence. To do justice is to seek truth and analyze facts. Think critically, evaluate independently, and judge slowly. Be vigilant to the heresy of popularity.
As a minority here in the U.S., you probably have fallen victim to stereotyping and social labeling, and you are probably frustrated in one way or another. And so we ask that you do not stereotype others, including your parents. Stereotyping is a form of bias, and generalization may lead to discrimination and prejudice, and that is the last thing you want to see. It is our plea that you don’t generalize any community based on selected behaviors of individuals.
Every human being is unique, with different experiences and personalities. It is the same with cultures and nations. That is why this world is both exciting and confusing. Our parents have witnessed and experienced the loss of individuality, empathy, and even common sense through social turmoil during the Cultural Revolution. With further understanding of Chinese history, which is characterized by countless cycles of integration and separation, you may be more understanding of the silence of your parents on social issues. Our decision, choice, and position are shaped by thousands of years of history. Whether it is African American, Chinese American, or another ethnic group, no conclusion should be jumped into based on a few essays or a couple of documentaries, no matter how compressive they are. While you are encouraged to influence others with your views (for example by writing a public letter as you did), it is important to respect other lawful choices, including the right of being silent.
“All men are created equal.” Is it a slogan, a dream, or an attainable goal? This is a hard question, but we agree that it is something worth fighting for; it is the eternal drive behind all social progress. You asked us: Whose side are you on? We are on your side – the side that cherishes life, individuality, kindness, and justice, without binding exclusively to any race or group.
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair. Our dearest friends, this land is your land, this time is your time. It belongs to you; and you don’t have to choose a side to belong to, no matter black or white, left or right.
Your elder friends
【附1】耶鲁学生原信
【附2】我们和美国民众站在一起！——回耶鲁华裔学生“和非裔站在一起”公开信
疫情日记：三月二十一日—三月二十四日
疫情日记：三月二十三—三月二十六
疫情日记：四月十三日–四月十五日
疫情日记：四月十五日–四月十七日
疫情日记：四月十六日–四月十八日
